I'm Disgruntled

I'm having some trouble getting back into the swing of things in my studio. I was gone a long time. That always worries me when I have to leave.

It probably doesn't help that I just finished up those plates. It was really unusual to have a project where I was pretty sure how to begin and end and I knew I could figure out the effects I wanted and how to get them. I could just put my head down and work and I'd end up with something I liked. I liked the concept, the process and the product. That hardly ever happens. I don't think I've been that satisfied with anything I've made since 1997.

The problem is what do I do now? Do I make more Mayhem Lust and Greed plates? I could. There are a lot of ways they could be done. Or do I move on to the afghan? Should I produce a whole range of artist/pirate lifestyle accessories? Maybe they'll all pile into a critical mass and become a performance piece? The process of making the plates produced a number of spinoff ideas that I could explore as well. I just don't feel all gung-ho about anything the way I did about the plates.

Probably if I just show up in the studio enough something will happen. I'm trying to get back into sewing (last garment completed 1982) The thing about making things is that you never know what will prove to be useful and how or when. I guess the best policy is to enjoy whatever you're doing. You'd think after all these years it would be easier to not second guess the worth of the way I'm spending my time. Maybe if I were wildly successful it would be easier? Maybe my job in life is to feel as though I'm wildly successful even when there's no evidence of it?

Fay's status is getting to me too. Her double prednisone dose has made her hungrier and thirstier as predicted. The thirsty part is the problem: she's become a little black, furry fountain of smelly wee. I'm hoping she doesn't have a urinary tract infection. She can't make it through the night dry so she's having to sleep downstairs. Tonight is the last night she gets a double dose of prednisone and I talk to the vet tomorrow. Fay is walking better and I even saw her use her left leg for something last night which she hasn't done in months. That's good.

The truth is, though, that whatever we do is prolonging the inevitable. There's no way this is going to get any easier. She's still happy and lively so I'll keep doing what needs to be done for as long as it works.