From the Roof Deck This Morning

Pete stuck an old pie box in the railing to block a spotlight from a neighbor's yard that shines too brightly at night.

I can't drink coffee anymore. No caffeine for me. There are a lot of things I can no longer consume at this time. I'm perimenopausal. If you haven't heard, and I hadn't, perimenopause can cause a gal's hormones to run amok and make  her an insane, discombobulated, miserable wretch. And damn, it can sneak up on you too. You don't realize you've lost it until, from out of nowhere, you get a blessed flash of clarity and you find yourself in the middle of a swamp with no solid ground in sight. 

I didn't think it was my hormones. I mean, the last five years have been very tumultuous and involved a great deal of change and loss. I just thought it was my crappy life that was getting me down. Only I don't really have a crappy life at all. Trauma and profound loss don't have to ruin every aspect of your life. I've taken some blows but my life is far from crappy overall. That lack of perspective is an example of how I'd slipped off the rails. It starts with legitimate trauma and then before you know it you're careening down a dark and bumpy road, unable to see the exit ramps. 

Fortunately a friend told me about The Hormone Cure, by Sara Gottfried. IT REALLY HELPED. First of all, it spoke to me. I had almost every possible symptom, especially sleeplessness, foggy-headedness and rage. RAGE! I read the book and thought "THIS BOOK IS ABOUT ME!" (See - all caps. I really did.)

Based on what I read in the book, I determined that I had high cortisol. I ended up having to give up both caffeine and booze. I was so desperate I couldn't wait to give them up. I dove right in. It's been five months now and it's been so worth it. Sanity is worth whatever I have to do to keep it. I'm also taking fish oil and a number of vitamins to support my healthy temperament. It's been an adjustment but, again, so worth it. 

However, decaf sux. Over the years I'd come to rely on a comforting warm beverage first thing in the morning. The caffeine buzz was delicious as well but I understand I have to let that go. I feel a bit sad about letting go of the warm comfort though. There have been days I've sipped warm water from my mug. I'm picky about flavor. I feel that if something doesn't taste good, why put it in your mouth? Green tea wasn't cutting it. Herbal tea neither. I actually like echinacea tea but I don't think one should drink that every day. Mostly I've gone with decaf, attempting to view it as not coffee but a drink in its own right. It's not a very good drink in its own right. Those are the breaks. Oh well. 

So here I am on my lovely, un-sucky roof deck on a beautiful early summer morning with my excellent mug. 

The tall tree in the background is named Sasha Fierce

Things are not perfect. (I haven't set up my summer planters yet. There's an old, greasy pie box shoved in the deck railing. How am I going to attract a following for my blog if I don't have beautiful photos of how I'm doing everything right?) Decaf is unrewarding. I can't "party" like I used to. But I have a nice life. 

Strange Metal Objects

Ugh! Long time no post! Sorry!

I'm roof-decking this morning. First breakfast on the roof deck this year. Perhaps some champagne is in order. That won't happen though because I'm not drinking these days. 

I have been gardening in the back yard in Somerville. Our building was built on a site where an old garage once stood. I think the garage was built in 1910/1919. It was there until maybe 2013. There's a lot of weird stuff in the soil back there.  Some examples:

Pumice-y metal (I think) froth pebble. I dig up a lot of these.

Random metal objects

A slab of metal bigger than my size 10 shoe.

Creepy bones and glass.

More pumice-y objects.

Odd, gooey, chalky blobs.

Hunks of clay that smell exactly like the clay from elementary school art class when you break them open.

Let's see if I can get a view of what I've done so far from above without dropping my phone off the roof. 

Still looks pretty sparse. It is.

Ooh! Here's one with the bike rack that was demolished by tons of snow! 

Tragic loss of bikes.

Strange metal objects. 

I have planted two roses (with another on deck, waiting to be planted) three hellebores, two clematis vines and eleven Lilies of the Valley (it would have been 12 but one rotted in the mail 😕 frowny-face emoji) One of the two hydrangea plants I put in in the fall didn't make it. There is, as yet, no sign of the black Parrot Tulips I put in either. They are late season bloomers and I've never tried them before so I don't know what to expect.

I plan to add a lot of compost to this soil. I'm also going to try to grow sunflowers in an attempt to remediate soil contamination. I don't know exactly what's in this soil but with all the stuff I'm digging up it can't be good or safe. 

Spring has come late to New England this year but here it is. We're ready. Even I am ready. 

Yoga Class #1

Well that was amazing. After years, probably almost twenty years, of toying with yoga and doing it once in a while because it's "good for me" I think the bug finally sunk its teeth in. I think I'm going to become a yoga freak.

Okay, just one class, who knows if a pattern will really develop but that felt life changing. 

I did a full-on backbend. I don't think I've done one of those since eighth grade! I wasn't at all sure I could do it then all of a sudden there I was, upside down, supporting my body weight on my arms stretched back over my shoulders and my legs doing what legs do (I guess). My mind was blown. It was almost like "where am I? What am I doing? Have I gone crazy?" Amazing. I live for amazement. 

One thing I hadn't thought about yesterday when I signed up was that I was going to have to get there wearing clothes and with a yoga mat. 

I don't want to make a huge, giant generalization here but SOME people have a pretty annoying air about them when they're coming and going from yoga class. Too smug and virtuous looking. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GUY! 

I'm a little too preoccupied with that. I want to look as awkward and schlumpy as possible on my yoga class commute. That right there is vanity. Just as bad as looking smug. Just don't think about what you look like. It's not important. Duh!

I was also uncomfortable walking to class in just the cropped leggings I feel totally fine about running in. I had to wear sweatpants. What a weirdo. 

I know I'll get over all that stupidness. Maybe I just did. I'm so lucky I got that two week pass. Extra incentive to actually go back and start to feel comfortable and maybe build a habit. The people in class were super nice and friendly. I do want to meet new people. 

So, go me! Yay yoga!

Random Day Stuff

It was a particularly beautiful day in Boston and vicinity today. This was the skyline view from around 7:30 this morning (I think it was 7:30. I don't really remember as I got about two-and-a-half hours of sleep last night. Some things are foggy today) I don't know if it comes through in the photo but I found the pink morning mist over the city a bit romantically sci-fi. I love that kind of thing. 

Pete and Nate have been touring as members of the band, Van Hayride, the countrified Van Halen cover band. They've been opening for the band, Puss N Boots. If either band comes to your town I highly recommend seeing them. 

Pete, Nate, and the incredible Daria Grace

Rod (far left, sorry, Rod, I don't know your last name) Pete, the obviously amazing Jack Grace, Daria (far right)

The women of Puss N Boots are forces of nature. They have a seriously entertaining, POWERFUL thing going. Plus they're really irreverent and funny. I cannot tell you how much I wish I could sing like any of them. In fact I was too stunned by their awesomeness to remember to take a picture of them. 

I got to hang around with everyone backstage last night after the show for a while. I ended up not going to bed until 3 AM. Rock 'n' roll. What are you going to do? 

The best thing was how really lovely all the people were. Everyone was so kind and inclusive. It was a family atmosphere, lots of love and fun in the room. Norah Jones is my new favorite famous person. (Did I have a designated old favorite famous person?) Sasha gave me a delicious cookie. Most importantly everyone was really nice to my boys, Pete and Nate, and I love it when people are good to the folks I love. I also picked up a great tip for dealing with a certain indelicate process (okay, farting - without naming names) that I'm definitely going to use later. Very worth the sleep deficit. 

In other news I signed up to take a yoga class tomorrow morning at the (new to me) local yoga studio in Union Square. I got a two-week unlimited trial pass too. I'm irrationally excited about this. I have never signed up for a yoga class on my own steam before. These days I'm all about trying new things. Billions of people go to yoga classes every day. It's not a big deal. I'm acting like it's some big adventure. Well you never know where something's going to lead...

Neighborhood Adventure

I had an adventure today with a housecoat-wearing little old Portuguese lady. Well, she wasn't that old. Sixty-something, maybe.

I left the apartment on my morning pre-run, warm-up walk. As I neared the park on the corner of our street I saw a little lady in a housecoat coming in my direction. She was looking into the park with concern. The park, or maybe I should call it a "park," is one of those horrible parks they made in the seventies that is 95% paved and the only ones who go there to "relax and enjoy" it are pigeons and winos.

I followed the woman's glance and saw that there was another woman sitting slumped over on one of the benches. She was sitting, bent over at the waist so her face was below her knees. She was either sleeping off something incredibly powerful or she was recently deceased. Her face wasn't purple though - a good sign.

Housecoat lady and I conferred. If the woman was sleeping we didn't want to bother her but if she needed medical attention then she should get it. We remembered that the hospital was just around the corner and we could go there and tell someone rather than calling 911. So we set off together for the hospital. I could have done it myself but she came along too.

It's a short walk but there was time to make conversation. I found out that the lady was on her way to the pharmacy. I asked her if she was enjoying her summer. She said "I don't like summer very much. It's too hot. I don't like to be hot." Her answer delighted me. I said, "me too! I HATE being hot! This has been a very nice summer but still too hot for me." A kindred spirit! We agreed we preferred fall.

We got to the hospital and told the officers at the Public Safety window about the slumped-over woman in the park. They looked at us as if to say "why did you have to go and tell us this?" but they said they'd take care of it. The lady and I left, not knowing if we'd actually helped anyone or not.

I never know what to do in those situations. I feel cowardly for not just going and asking the person if they need help. I don't know - I don't want to go hover over some sleeping person. That's creepy. I don't want to be a condescending jerk either. "Oh you poor drug addict. You must need professional medical attention." Not that I'd ever say that. But, you know, sometimes people just want to be left alone with their good friend heroin (or whatever.)

The lady and I parted ways, she went off to Walgreens, I continued on for my run. We wished each other a good day and good rest of the summer. I hope I bump into her again. I had just been complaining to myself that I rarely meet anyone I feel an immediate connection with and along comes this lady and we go on a mission together.

When I got back from my run I looked into the park to see if the passed-out woman was still there. She was but she had shifted into a much more reasonable position, on her back with her head resting face-up on the bench. She was definitely on something but she wasn't going to die imminently - I don't think. I don't know if anyone had come to check on her.

Whether or not I did anyone any good, I'm glad I got to meet housecoat lady.