It Went Great

I guess only my hip-to-knees region is Pepto Bismol pink. False advertising. Sorry. Also, I'm blonde now. 

I did it! Go me! There were no hiccups at all. I ran at the pace I intended to and even finished in the top half (tee-hee! Faster than 12,528 other people but slower than 7653) I want to say "it has CHANGED me!" We'll see if that turns out to be true. I am awfully proud of myself though. 20,182 people finished the race. That is a lot of people.  

Getting up at 2 AM turned out to be no problem. I ate my half a bagel with peanut butter and got a cup of coffee in the lobby then I met Kirsten and we got on the bus. There were thousands of people who were also doing the same things at the same time. I saw them doing it. Nobody seemed tired or as if we were doing anything unpleasantly unusual. We were all psyched. 

I mentioned that Disney is HUGE. I can't emphasize that enough. Our twenty-something-thousand-person race was just one thing that was going on on an ordinary day at Disney World. The scale just hasn't truly sunken in yet. Kirsten and I were shocked to find ourselves sitting in a traffic jam on the bus on the way to the course at 3:30 AM. Then we noticed that much of the traffic was big tour busses from our resort and from other resorts loaded with other runners. Imagine a traffic jam stretching on for miles made up of giant tour busses. Tour busses filled with thousands of people dressed up as princesses (and princes and frogs - I saw two frogs - and Elvis and Priscilla Presley and Prince.)

The view after getting off our bus

The view from my spot in my pre-start corral

It was a cool morning, in the fifties. I believe my group started about forty-five minutes after the first group did. There was a pre-race entertainment crew performing near the first corral, corral A, whose schtick was broadcast to us all over jumbotrons. When my corral arrived at the starting line the MCs made us sing the first stanza of "Don't Stop Believin'" before we could go. Though I hate Journey I didn't mind. It was fun and I was excited. 

After that it was kind of a blur. I focused on my strategy: start out slow and save some energy for the end. Pretty standard. It worked well. We ran or walked from Epcot to The Magic Kingdom and back through Epcot. On the way people would stop and line up to have their photos taken with characters like Aladdin, Cruella DeVille, Jack Sparrow and Mary Poppins and Bert. 

Running through the Magic Kingdom was kind of magical, I have to admit. It was pretty neat to be running up Main Street towards Cinderella's Castle with crowds cheering you on. I didn't take photos.

The sun came up and we kept running. People lined the course handing out water, sports beverage, Gu and encouragement. At the last half-mile there was a fantastic gospel choir singing. The course was very curvy at that point and I thought back to all the lines for rides I'd stood on the day before and how the curves made the length of the line appear deceptive. I wondered if this was some kind of Disney "you're almost there! No you're not!" joke. 

Finally there was the finish line and I was running towards it, amazed that I, me, had got myself in a position where I'd be racing people. Not just racing people but finishing and beating people. So strange!

I crossed the finish line pumping my arms over my head. Then what do you do? You follow the crowd. I got my medal and my fairy dust, my mesh bag, my drink and snacks. I walked through the barriers and it was done. I felt fine.

Long story short - I reunited with Pete and Kirsten and her husband, Ben, we caught the bus back to our hotel for some freshening up, then we went to Disney's Hollywood Studios. 

How has it "changed me?" Well now I see myself as someone who can do something. I got a medal for doing something. I did something that other people generally agree was worth doing and should be rewarded. Other people might be impressed if I tell them I did this. 

Most people have no idea what to think about most of the other things I do. I can't really blame them. They don't know from looking at a five-by-four-foot canvas covered with giant paper and crochet strawberries, pom-poms, glitter and mysterious mounds of white stuff that I spent months working on it, figuring out how exactly to express what I wanted to express, arranging everything so it's just exactly the way I want it to be, fretting that I might never get it to be "good enough." They may look at it and wonder why anyone would make such a thing. Most people may just look at it and think nothing at all. 

As seen in this entry

The things I think are important are not the things most people think are important. That's okay with me. It's just refreshing to finally have done something that I can explain to others in five words and have them smile and approve. 

Anyway, TRIUMPH! 

Kirsten celebrates her success with champagne in the shade behind the finish line stands

I am making a list of things I've learned from training for and running this half-marathon. For example I learned that some people chafe when they run and I am lucky that I don't. I also found out about "Shot Blocks" and "Gu" and what you're supposed to do with them. You're supposed to eat them if you're going to be running for longer than an hour to keep your muscles properly fueled so it feels easier to keep going. Shot blocks are much harder to chew at twenty degrees Fahrenheit than they are at sixty (I learned that too.) My favorite Gu flavor is Salted Caramel, which I prefer to Chocolate Outrage. Also, I don't recommend wearing glitter toenail polish if you're going to run more than five miles as the glitter can cling to your socks and yank your toenails around. Yep, that's gonna be some list. You should look out for it in coming weeks. 

Random Day Stuff

It was a particularly beautiful day in Boston and vicinity today. This was the skyline view from around 7:30 this morning (I think it was 7:30. I don't really remember as I got about two-and-a-half hours of sleep last night. Some things are foggy today) I don't know if it comes through in the photo but I found the pink morning mist over the city a bit romantically sci-fi. I love that kind of thing. 

Pete and Nate have been touring as members of the band, Van Hayride, the countrified Van Halen cover band. They've been opening for the band, Puss N Boots. If either band comes to your town I highly recommend seeing them. 

Pete, Nate, and the incredible Daria Grace

Rod (far left, sorry, Rod, I don't know your last name) Pete, the obviously amazing Jack Grace, Daria (far right)

The women of Puss N Boots are forces of nature. They have a seriously entertaining, POWERFUL thing going. Plus they're really irreverent and funny. I cannot tell you how much I wish I could sing like any of them. In fact I was too stunned by their awesomeness to remember to take a picture of them. 

I got to hang around with everyone backstage last night after the show for a while. I ended up not going to bed until 3 AM. Rock 'n' roll. What are you going to do? 

The best thing was how really lovely all the people were. Everyone was so kind and inclusive. It was a family atmosphere, lots of love and fun in the room. Norah Jones is my new favorite famous person. (Did I have a designated old favorite famous person?) Sasha gave me a delicious cookie. Most importantly everyone was really nice to my boys, Pete and Nate, and I love it when people are good to the folks I love. I also picked up a great tip for dealing with a certain indelicate process (okay, farting - without naming names) that I'm definitely going to use later. Very worth the sleep deficit. 

In other news I signed up to take a yoga class tomorrow morning at the (new to me) local yoga studio in Union Square. I got a two-week unlimited trial pass too. I'm irrationally excited about this. I have never signed up for a yoga class on my own steam before. These days I'm all about trying new things. Billions of people go to yoga classes every day. It's not a big deal. I'm acting like it's some big adventure. Well you never know where something's going to lead...

This Was All Before 8:45 This Morning

Uhm, I am wearing flip flops and I have coral color painted toenails and I LOVE everything because I went running this morning.

Here are some things I saw today:

A sea of jasmine

A beautiful view

Fuzzy, red, banana-looking flowers

A spacious view that came with a delightful-feeling headwind.

An almond croissant that my mom brought me.

Mom also put lilies in my room and they smell great! Thanks, Mom!

Yesterday I got in the hot tub. No doubt I will again soon. Not only that but I had an entire row to myself on the plane over! How often does that happen?

Today we will be celebrating Mom's birthday. It's a bit early but today we're celebrating. This means there will be cake. Dang good.

Spring Night

Hey me, remember this: the first night in spring in Vermont when the frogs woke up that day and the Peepers are peeping and you're hanging out of the bathroom window looking at the fuzzy full moon behind some light clouds and feeling the warm spring breeze blow.

Bet I'll Be Late

Man, does this blog need a facelift! Not today though.

It's too cold to do anything. It's too early to eat breakfast. I'm a big crank and I don't want to do anything involved with getting ready to go to work.

You know what I want to do today? I want to have some damned fun! Make chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and decorate them with multicolor confetti sprinkles - the kind you eat, duh, not paper ones - and maybe some clear sparkly sugar to evoke actual frost. Wintery! Festive!

Then I want to go get some fancy papers (shiny, glittery stuff, nice tissue paper) and box up the Christmas gifts I got for people and mail them off so they get there in time for Christmas. Wouldn't it be good if I had done that last week? Well I was busy last week so I didn't. I'm busy today too so I won't be doing it today either. Sigh.

You know what else would be nice? Another week to spend just paying attention to Christmas preparations. I'm ready to do that now. All my other stuff I had to do is done. I can shop now. I can make little gifties and send Christmas cards. Well, I'm almost ready. I'll be really ready next week. Oops.

Oh, and I'll need another two weeks to go to parties so I can make sure and see everyone I want to see for the holidays. And let's not forget the holiday baking and cooking that it's so fun to do. I could probably wedge that into the two weeks I set aside for parties, during the days.

So I think I could be ready for Christmas if I spent the next three weeks exclusively on Christmas stuff. Of course we all know that Christmas is in one week and we all have TONS of other stuff we have to do.

Oh well. Gotta muddle through. It won't be perfect. I'll hit the high spots. Some people - a lot of people - will get their gifts in January. I ain't going to see everyone. Life's a process. Live and learn do everything the same wrong way over and over again. I'll probably be late to work today too. I bet I'm not the only one!

The tree looks a lot like it did last year but, hey, I have a tree!

I'm not really that cranky. I've had some fun in the last couple of weeks. I've been lucky to do some things I don't normally do. I hope I find time to post some photos in upcoming days.

Good winter holidays to you all!

In Honor

In honor of our friend who passed today, I post (again?) the recipe I use for for Cincinnati Chili, to which he introduced us (my comments in parenthesis) I'll likely be cooking up a big batch tomorrow.

Cincinnati Empress Chili

For the chili:

2 lbs. ground beef 

1 qt.  water  (4 cups)

1  & 1/2 t. allspice

1 garlic clove (I used more of course)

2 bay leaves

2 diced onions

dash worcestershire

1  can (6oz) tomato paste

1 T. salt

1/2 t. cayenne

1 & 1/2 t.  black pepper

3 T. chili powder (though I used less than 1T because I ran out and it still came out well)

1 t. cinnamon

1/2 t. cumin

1 T. vinegar

spaghetti - make a pretty fair amount 

Toppings:

orange cheddar cheese grated

kidney beans

chopped onions

oyster crackers

Tabasco sauce

Put the water in a large pot or hotpot.  Crumble meat into the water (yes, raw)  and add all the other chili ingredients.  Bring to a boil then simmer at least one hour and for as long as three hours.  Remove garlic and bay leaves.  (or leave in the garlic and mash it if you’re me)  Serve over spaghetti with your choice of toppings.

Serves six or so

Godspeed, dear friend! We'll never forget you!

I'm At It Again

I can blog from the subway with this thing (phone)! While I'm commuting to work! So exciting - because I've got bees in my bonnet.

Do you ever feel like you're living in a ghost world? Everything around you has already changed irrevocably but it's still there. Nothing looks outwardly different but everything you live with, everything you're walking around is hollow or just a shadow. It's only a matter of time before all of it disappears.

If I had time to meditate today it would probably be one of those sessions where I'd just cry for half an hour. It's not that everything is so terrible - some things are great (like my meatloaf) Life is just so damned confusing.

Hearts kind of suck. They make you love stuff. People, creatures, situations, even objects. You have no control. You want things that are bad for you - AND good for you AT THE SAME TIME. How can you tell which? It doesn't matter which  because you can't have them anyway. Or you can and then it's a big mess. You love, then you lose! Then your stupid heart stops working altogether and you die! Who invented this crazy system? Absurd!

So many things going on all the time. Love, loss, joy, heartbreak, beauty, horror, ALL AT ONCE!

It's enough to make a gal just want to sit on the sofa, knit, and watch alternating episodes of "Miss Marple" and "The X-Files" while eating bon-bons and drinking single malt scotch for a month. 

Thank heaven I have this chocolate bar at my desk. 

That might calm me down. It's a known fact that chocolate causes a chemical reaction in the human brain that creates a direct connection to the stable "Astral Chocolate Plane" of The Universe. Known. Fact. 

Gotta go do stuff now. Chase papers around, find numbers 'n' stuff.

Making Sticks

A Stick

I don't think I've mentioned the collaborative installation project I'm doing with my gallery-mate, Denise. It's looming. We show December 6th. The only parameter we set was that we were going to make vertical elements. I'm at the point now where I just call them sticks.

Denise is really cranking on the sticks. We've met at her studio to touch base once each of the last two months. I've brought either nothing but photos (the sticks were drying and not transportable) or just a handful of stuff. She's got dozens. Dozens of really good sticks along with handfuls of truly amazing sticks.

I'm lagging in the numbers. My contribution has been more in the area of going off into left field. I was the first to make a stick with offshoots. Not like the one above, but one that has stars shooting off of it on long, bendy wires. I also started stringing things on wire to hang from the ceiling. I had beads I wanted to use.

Hell, I have a lot going on right now! Plus, my studio's a two-and-a-half hour drive away. There's no room to make a mess or dry anything in our apartment where I have to be five days a week so I had to think of ways to make sticks that didn't need to dry. These beaded things (which I'm still calling sticks even though they're more like giant necklaces or bracelets) just pile into a bag which I could stash under the sofa if I felt like it.

I also have some industrial twine in a bunch of different colors that I want to crochet sticks out of. How much time do I have? NOT ENOUGH. Between the travel, the death, the dumb things I thoughtlessly said I'd do, the party I want to have because I love my friends and I want to see them, and - let's just call it - the LIFE, I feel like I'm falling behind. I don't want to let Denise down.

Well crap. I just have to do the best I can, right? So that's what I'm doing. I really don't want to get into some anxiety-based, all-nighter pulling, no bathing, monastic existence of cranking out sticks like an underage Chinese factory worker. Now is not the time. Things are hard enough. I want to keep my eye on the big picture of where my life is going. I want to remain mentally healthy. I am so grateful that I naturally wake up at 4:30 - 5:00 AM these days. I get so much more done that way.

This project has been really good for me. While I do feel I'm not holding up my end as far as numbers go, I'm really enjoying making these things. I'm working happily away in my studio (or my living room) for hours. Working in my studio has often been torturous in the past so it's nice to be getting hours of practice of just honest work under my belt. You know, wearing down a passage in my brain where I enjoy working for hours in my studio. Hopefully erasing the passage in my brain where I force myself to go to my studio and relentlessly prod myself to just do something, anything, just do it and it hurts and it's horrible.

Eh, art. It is what it is. Like everything else, some days you got it, some days you don't.

Alrighty, I'd better go make some more sticks now. Later!

Persevere

I guess this is what I'm trying to do. I did "favorite" this tweet after I re-tweeted it. Guess I'll go Facebook it now.

Life Is Short And I Don't Know How To Do It

If the post below seems a bit lackluster it's because my heart wasn't really in it. It was the post I'd planned to write on Sunday but I ran out of time. I don't really have time to write this post now. I just got off of work, I'm still at my desk and I'm expected somewhere else in forty-five minutes. That said, I gotta do what I gotta do.

We have a dear friend who is unlikely to be with us for much longer. This is what's really on my mind today.

Did I write yet that I've realized that you don't like your friends, you love them? Probably. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. It's very difficult knowing that this vibrant person with such a unique mind, so much talent, so much love and appreciation for life will be leaving us. We won't have him around to inspire us, to chew the fat with, to enjoy a great meal with. We won't have the distinct pleasure of his company.

There have been times in my life where I've felt as if everything I love was going away. Of course for me it wasn't true. My friend is really being taken away from EVERYTHING he loves. He doesn't want to go. It's so hard to see him fight with this. I can't make him feel better. Pete can't make him feel better. His beloved wife can't make him feel better.

God, it hurts so much.

And it makes me want to LIVE. It makes me want to throw caution to the wind and just GO. Buy shoes I can't afford, throw a HELL of a Halloween party, tell all my friends how much I love them, smooch people I shouldn't (decorum be damned!) plan a trip to Hawaii, quit my job and drive across country, eat A LOT of chocolate, run outside in the wind, swim in the ocean. It makes me want to be extravagant.

I'm usually prudent by nature and very careful of the needs and wishes of others. These tendencies calm me down, cool me off. I would like to be extravagant but I'm not sure I'd dare in the long run. People can appreciate lavishness from time to time but full-on extravagance is overwhelming, bunch of Yankees that most of us are around here. The truth is, too, that as an introvert I'm not sure I could muster the energy for constant extravagance.

I wonder if there's a way to be extravagant in spurts? Then run away to my secret cave when the repercussions hit? Then, energy restored by solitude, jump out and scare the pants off of everyone with more effusiveness. Sounds psycho. Sounds counter-productive. 

All of those things seem pretty stupid and trivial too. (I don't think Pete would be on board with the smooching part either) What is trivial though? I don't know. What's important? Maybe those stupid little things, the things that are fun and that we enjoy are necessary components of a great life and not trivial in the least?

I want to live without reins. I bet I won't though. I want to celebrate life. I might buy the shoes and I'll certainly try to throw a HELL of a Halloween party.

Another thing I've been thinking about, and I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned it here (possibly around this time last year) is that you get to keep the love. When our friend is gone we'll still have his love for us and our love for him. That is comforting to me. I hope it's the same for him, wherever he ends up. Dear friend.

I Get To Run

One reason I love running is that it's a vote for me.  When I run it feels like a new start each time. It feels like anything in my life is possible.

I am looking so hard for a new path. There has been so much change in my life over the last few years. Most of it has felt like hard pruning. Only one or two things have felt like water or sunshine or fertilizer. I wonder if I've been moved to a different location in the garden and I just haven't noticed yet?

For you non-gardeners, before you move a plant you cut it back drastically. You have to do that because when you dig it up you will inevitably chop off a lot of the root system. If you don't cut a significant portion of the top off the remaining roots can't sustain the plant and it will fail. Once the root system re-establishes itself the green stuff grows back.

So maybe I've had my tops cut off and my roots disturbed and I can't tell where I am yet.

I've been trying a lot of new things. I've been looking for the next direction. I feel like I'm being blown all over the place and the next direction is, well, all over the place. Things start then stop. Things look good then they just die out. Something will work for a bit but I know it's temporary and I'll have to figure out something else soon. Some things are just obviously wrong. I get discouraged sometimes. I'll get it eventually - I think - but it seems to be taking so long and I seem to get so much wrong.

Then I get to go running. I start over. I run my head into a pulp and wake my body the hell up. My lungs pump, my blood flows, I sweat, my nose runs (TMI!) My bones, tissues, ligaments get a good pounding on my terms. Life flows through me again. I'm new.

I can let go of the mistakes and miss-steps. I've cleared out the debris and can see a way to keep trying to move forward. I can find a way past the things that fell and blocked my path - at least the next immediate step, even if it doesn't turn out to be a good, long stretch of road.

Roads, paths, prunings, wind. It's all very confusing. What is the analogy here? Life isn't coherent so why should I have to be? Here's the analogy: complete tumult. And then I get to run.

'Tis the Season?

I don't know why I'm posting so much all of a sudden. Maybe it's the season? NaBloPoMo (which I don't think I'll be doing this year) is just around the corner. Maybe I'm in the mood? I don't know, usually I like to be in a better frame of mind than I've been in lately when I post. Guess I'm just feeling it. And Facebook has been boring the crap out of me.

Time has been very tight for the last month or so. Yesterday on the plane I had some time to look at my calendar. I was trying to figure out how my schedule had gotten so out of whack. Why had the last few weeks seemed so unmanageable and exhausting? What did I need to change to feel less stressed and overwhelmed?

It turns out that my schedule is fine, I just need people to stop dying.

I know that's never going to happen. Death is not done yet. At the moment Death is just hanging around having a cigarette or two before it finishes one pending job that I'm aware of. Who knows what else it has up its tattered sleeve?

I really hope it gives us a breather after that. I mean, I'm not going to go into other peoples' health/death issues but it's been pretty grim and deathy around here lately. 

I know it doesn't always have to be like that because we had quite a long period there when no one we knew had a life threatening illness and everyone stayed above ground or out of the crematory. 

I don't know, maybe it's better to be constantly acutely aware that the people you love won't be around forever. I know I see my friends with new eyes and interact with them differently now. They probably all wonder what my problem is and why I'm being so damned sociable all of a sudden. Can't I leave them alone? They've got shit to do! Okay, it's not really that bad. I am an introvert after all. I can only really take so much socializing.

But my friends are definitely getting a more intense Mel experience these days. Most of them have no idea where it's coming from. I'm just really aware of how much I value my loved ones now. I'm also more aware of who my loved ones are. It's pretty intense for me too. I'm glad they're not in the same headspace as me. It's uncomfortable. I don't wish that on others.

That said, I am really enjoying the massive boost of gratitude I have for the beauty in my life and for all the people I love. So it's not all bad. Uncomfortable but beautiful. 

It's not like Life and Death take requests. Ultimately my schedule is out of my hands and I just have to do the best I can with the cards I'm dealt. Make lemonade and all that crap. 

All of this love and concern are worth the confusion and running around. How effective in life does someone like me really need to be? I'm not solving world hunger or curing cancer. I'm just this thing. I can have a screwy schedule.