That thing I mentioned back on February 3? Pete and I are moving into a larger apartment in Inman Square.
It's a very nice apartment with a roof deck and a little yard and a guest room. We can have friends over again and we can enjoy the outdoors without having to bring our keys. The space is far more comfortable for two people to live and move around in.
I'm sitting on the bedroom floor of our old apartment, typing this on my phone. As big an improvement as the new place is going to be, Pete and I are still having mixed feelings about the move.
This little apartment was a comforting shelter during some of the hardest years of my life. My dad died during the first few months that we lived here. Friends were seriously ill or taking care of their seriously ill spouses, dealing with other difficult family situations, some friends died, Fay died, there were other losses that I won't go into. It has not been easy lately. This little apartment and this neighborhood were a haven while I tried to comprehend all that was happening, while I tried to figure out how to navigate and how to move forward.
Now I'm clearing it out to leave it. I might have thought I'd come to associate the place with feeling terrible. Maybe on some level I do. I could feel eager to get the recent past even farther behind me. For now I feel grateful to this place that was my refuge.
The idea of moving to a space where we could entertain friends and enjoy the outdoors was a rare pleasure in the stream of hard things that happened. It gave Pete and me something happy to talk about after a long stretch of mostly talking about logistics and details to manage. Moving to this new place has given us some fun things to think about, new places to explore, a fun project rather than a sad one. Mostly I'm very happy and excited about it.
I'm dragging my feet a bit today though. It's also partly because I'm having a little trouble deciding which stuff to put in which box or bag. I addition I'm quite annoyed with myself for still having a bunch of junk I should have disposed of a long time ago.
Well it's a fresh start now. No time like the present to get rid of that stuff. If there's one thing the last few years have taught me it's that you can't hold on to anything. You've got to let go and move forward. You're moving forward anyway, nothing you can do to stop it, so you might as well stop carrying a bunch of old, heavy stuff you're not using along with you. Ghosts can drag you back too so let them go. Let everything go. It feels so much better.
So now, pep talk accomplished, I'll resolve to put less stuff in those bags and boxes I'm packing up. That ought to help. I don't know how we fit all this stuff into such a small space.
Sunblock. It feels gross and it stains your clothes. Sometimes it smells bad. It needs to be reapplied. It's expensive but most likely it's cheaper than cancer. Definitely cheaper in a lot of ways than cancer.
People with adequate amounts of melanin don't understand. Sigh.
Blogging today from our empty gallery at the SOWA Art Walk and opening day of the SOWA Sunday Art Market. If you're ever in Boston on a Sunday in the spring through autumn I recommend it as a fun activity. The open air market in the parking lot has fun vendors and good food trucks. The galleries are right there (easy access) and there are lots of interesting artists showing. Go with a curious mind, open to what you find, and you'll have a great time. It's dead in our gallery so far though.
Note the lack of bodies blocking the view.
I admit I didn't shoot for the stars on this show. I was plumb out of rocket fuel. My aim was a bit lower.
Twenty-four very small drawings of hearts. Yeah, schmaltzy old unoriginal hearts. Trite. Seen 'em a million times. Never want to see another one. I like this one with bats:
How about this guy? What in the world is he up to?
I guess to me it's like a comic strip without a linear narrative. Kind of like instrumental music.
Notice that they're not perfect? The "frames" are stupid and there are odd marks where there shouldn't be? Well I ain't a machine and that's the way I like it!
This piece is austere yet still girly. Weird girly. I am what I am, I make what I make. I didn't have the energy for bright and glittery this time.
It seems impossible that I could sit here for six hours and not one person will come in. Maybe I should stop blogging and look more welcoming.
Two awesome guys just came in. One said he'd recently curated a show about love and if he'd met me before he would have included me. How nice! Well that's encouraging.
This is going to be a little controversial. Just a little. I'm posting this thought here rather than on Facebook because it's more nuanced than a status update really allows. Plus I'm scared the wrong people will see it and get insulted and that's less likely to happen here. I don't want to insult anyone.
The thought: it bugs me when people (usually but not always gals) post photos of themselves where they think they look really good. It's asking for approval for the wrong reasons. You're supposed to say "congratulations on being so damn good-looking!" Then what? That's all there is.
You know what I mean. Not the "Hey I got dressed up for a special occasion and wow, look how surprisingly well I clean up!"kind of thing. Not the "I just won the karate competition! Check out my fearsome biceps!" kind of thing. Not the "look at these wacky rock club bathrooms!" kind of thing. It's the "I am sultry(/cool/hot) - you know you want me, don't you wish you could just gaze at me all day long" thing.
Now I feel like a jerk because it probably just means they're feeling a little low and need some encouragement. I know I need A LOT of encouragement. I don't know though, your looks are just your looks. They're NOT the most interesting thing about you.
Some people are bragging. Some people might think it's the only thing they really have going for them. I'm not trying to be judgy. It just makes me feel uncomfortable to see that kind of thing.
Sure, I picked that photo to the right over there because I thought it was flattering. You do want to pick a nice photo to represent yourself online most of the time. Put your best face forward. That's natural. We all want to feel good about ourselves in as many areas as possible. I should probably just lighten up. But so much emphasis on appearance. I wish it wasn't like that.
Maybe it's no better to post more substantive examples of one's greatness, like how you dominated the karate competition or how you got an A on your term paper. IN YOUR FACE WITH MY AWESOMENESS! There is a place for pride in one's achievements though.
I don't want to stop anyone from getting the sense of approval they need. So if you're into flooding your Facebook feed with dreamy photos of yourself you go right on. I will probably refrain from commenting.
Hey me, remember this: the first night in spring in Vermont when the frogs woke up that day and the Peepers are peeping and you're hanging out of the bathroom window looking at the fuzzy full moon behind some light clouds and feeling the warm spring breeze blow.
This week could be interesting. I'm temping for real, like I haven't since 1990. I have no idea if I'll be called tomorrow morning or if so where I'll be sent to do what. There will be plenty of opportunities to get a lot wrong and really screw things up. Could be rough. I could be feeling pretty stupid by the end of the week - or sooner.
Or it could be a cool adventure where I meet interesting people and learn a lot and do things I've never dreamed I'd do. No way to know but through. Honestly I could use some horizon broadening, some new experiences, so I'm going to go with adventure. I'm going to try not to worry about whether I'm dressed appropriately or not. Sad that that's the kind of thing I worry about.
And now here's a drawing I did today at the drawing club thingy I put on every other Sunday: