My Sin

Lately I've really been enjoying music where the subject of the song is so overpowered by emotion that he/she acts without regard to the consequences. Swept away beyond reach of reason, overmastered, out of control.

This is an intoxicating concept for me theoretically. I am generally a cautious person. I tend to keep my behavior on a tight leash and avoid situations where such things might actually happen to me. I like my self-control (I'm way more loosey-goosey about other people though)

I've usually got an eye on the repercussions of my behavior - at least about the important stuff. I'm not afraid to act like a goofball on a stage or to dye my hair pink (I've been thinking about it lately) or to look generally odd. I just don't transgress. No theft, no gambling, no insulting people (well not on purpose) no dishonesty, no cheating, no excess. I try to always be rational and reasonable.

God it sounds tedious! That feeling of being overmastered by some outside force has pretty much never happened to me. Except in one area: shoes.

SHOES ARE MY SECRET SIN!!!!!!

I almost wish there were a shoe version of Ravelry but then everyone would know just how bad I am. I don't know how many pairs I have. I'm not going to count either. I have WAY more than I need. I'm five-feet, nine-inches tall but I LOVE platforms and heels. The more outlandish the better. It's totally inappropriate to my life.

In my life I'm either working alone in my studio at the heart of the muddy, snowy gravel pit that is our acreage in Vermont or else I'm walking my feet off in the sleet in Boston, climbing over ice barriers on my way to the local bar or alt rock show.

But am I thinking about appropriateness of attire or of behavior? Everyone I know is a puritan. We're all so goddamned measured and sensible! At least that's all anyone will own up to. Not that I want to hang out with sleazebag cheaters - or, God forbid, be one!

Maybe it's better to keep the disregard for consequences in the realm of fantasy.

Or maybe it's not. I guess there's evidence that it's human nature to make the best of whatever comes of the choices we make. And there's no real way to know if you'd be better off one way or another: you can't do both and then decide.

I'm too chicken to risk it and find out for myself. I think I'll just stick to immoderate consumption of shoes.

Overmastery doesn't come by choice. Maybe I have been overmastered - by good sense. How unromantic and not at all intoxicating.