Boston Area Winter Plus A Note From Vermont

I drove out to Wellesley today to go to my sister-in-law's Stella and Dot open house. While driving on Route 2 I was amazed by how ashy everything looks on a day in January when it's supposed to snow but it hasn't started to yet.

When I left Wellesley I took the Mass Pike from 128 to Prudential Center. As I drove under the city I looked at the gritty, blackened, concrete ceiling above me and thought "By God I love this filthy town." I really do. It's filthy and freezing and I really love living here.

Meanwhile, Pete is in Vermont, warm and cozy in his studio, looking out the window at an owl hunting:

Photo by Pete.

Bravery Log

This is my new Bravery Log. In the interest of expanding my life, making it richer and making me more happy and engaged, I'm on a quest to try new things. I'm trying to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I'm trying to be brave.

It's been going pretty well. I've met a number of new people, I'm having more fun and I feel like I have more internal resources. Sometimes, though, I need a little nudge to continue to be brave. That's where the Bravery Log comes in. Each time I do something that's hard for me (like R.S.V.P. "yes" to a party where I won't know many people or sign up for a class at an aerial gym - yes, I did) I write in the date and the brave thing I did.

Now each day I wonder, "will I have an opportunity to be brave today?" It makes me look for an opportunity. It's good incentive. I'm more likely to follow through on an idea if I can write down that I did it in the log.

Bravery is subjective though. Some days I'm more chicken than others. Some days just looking for more information on the web counts as bravery. Just looking can lead to e-mailing which can lead to signing up which will lead to showing up. Every step in the sequence counts. I'm being generous with myself. Baby steps.

So far everything I've taken a risk and tried has payed off nicely. I must remember that it won't always be that way. I'll likely be shut down or embarrassed some time. When that happens I'll just have to congratulate myself for having tried. Right?

City Stuff

I am hearing the unmistakable braying of a beagle in the parking lot behind our apartment right now. I love that sound. Beagles are the most awesome pain in the ass dogs you can get! Noisy, unruly, escapey and adorable. Love that sound. Not a breed I'd choose for this urban an area but then I don't know everything.

It reminds me of a couple of other lovely city experiences I had in the last couple of days.

Sunday was No Pants Day on the T. I got on at Davis Square as I normally do. Things proceeded as usual until we pulled into the Harvard Square station. I spotted a couple of people on the platform who weren't wearing pants. They weren't completely naked from the waist down - they had tiny short-like things on - but they were less dressed than the usual T patron.

Odd entertainment stuff happens occasionally in Harvard Square - it could have been a dance troupe or some street circus performers, you never know. A couple of guys got on our car and the train moved off. Then the guys started taking off their shoes, taking stuff out of their pockets, fiddling with their belts. They were seated on the same side as me so I could see them reflected in the car window - you know, city style, so you're not looking directly at anyone.

The woman across from me started looking a tad bit uncomfy. She was across the aisle from them, looking straight at them. She'd had her back to the station when we pulled in so she hadn't seen the no pants people on the platform. I smirked at her to ease her mind. She got it. She could see I was watching in the reflection.

The dudes took their pants off and put their shoes back on. One guy listened to his iPod, another started reading. When we pulled into the Central Square station there were a few more no pants people on that platform. That's where I got out. The no pants guys from our car got out too. Not much of a T ride if you ask me. If I was going to ride no pants I'd want to get a bit more mileage out of it. But then, I don't know everything.

Today it was sixty degrees out. It's mid-January. This is not normal. You don't get beautiful, warm, sunny days in the Boston area in January. Only you did today. So I took a walk over to Porter Square to do some errands.

They're doing some construction at St. James Episcopal Church. I happened to notice that stretch of sidewalk because they had rented some "Rent A Throne" (or something) brand porta-potties and the name amused me. Then I saw a handsome dreadlocked guy coming towards me from the other direction, listening to his iPod and grinning a beautiful grin. The sun was shining, it was a pleasant city moment. I kept going into Porter and hit the drugstore, the hardware store and the craft store.

On my way back, on the spot where I'd had that pleasant city moment on my trip in, I had to step around a fresh vomit stain. It was just a damp stain - someone had cleaned up the bulk of it. I thought how glad I was that I had missed the incident when it had occurred. I was glad that someone had been thoughtful enough to clean up the mess. All in the forty-five minutes that had elapsed since I'd passed that spot. Another series of events that you wouldn't experience in the country.

That's what I have for you today. LIfe is a wonderful thing. You never know what it will bring.

Where'd They Go?

Something interesting has already happened to me this year: Pete and I went to a party where I spoke most of the night with a number of people I'd never met before and never stressed or felt freaky about it. It never even occurred to me to notice anything unusual had happened until I was in the car on the way home.

Progress is possible!

The party was on my birthday but it was unrelated to me other than I was invited. I didn't feel birthday-y this year. I think I just wanted my life back from the holidays. Instead of doing something specifically for my birthday we went to this party.

Maybe it was an unnoticed birthday vibe or plain resignation but my social anxieties deserted me. Good riddance. Hope they're gone for good! See ya later - much!

The next day we did do something special for my birthday and my friend, Janna's, birthday which was a day later. It was over-the-top. You can read about it here. Seriously over the top. Wow.

Post Hijacked By Crab Pretzels

You know what's in here?

Guinness!

No, I will not drink Guinness from a styrofoam cup.

Pete and I are in a motel in South Carolina. One that does not have glasses available, only styrofoam cups. 

Christmas is over and we're headed back north from Florida. Tomorrow we hope to make a stop in Hagerstown, Maryland, for some of these:

These are crab pretzels, which I am shocked to see that I haven't yet blogged about. We stopped in Hagerstown on the way down south. Growing up in Maryland I had heard about Hagerstown all my life on the radio for traffic reports and school snow-day closings but I'd never known where it was. We had a chance to stop there this trip so we did.

Hagerstown is great. It was founded in 1762 and has beautiful architecture downtown: colonial and newer brick and stone row houses. There's almost a New Orleans-y feeling to it, though waaaaaaaaay more laid back. Nowhere near as party. Tons of character. It's sandwiched between Pennsylvania and West Virginia but it's still definitely Maryland. Therefore you get crab pretzels. Pretzels from the Germans and fresh crab from the bay.

If, by chance, you are driving through the American Mid-Atlantic region and want to avoid the Beltway around D.C. I would recommend going through Hagerstown. We dined at Bulls & Bears Restaurant. If you hit the link the page will say it has "a New York style atmosphere." I don't know about that, but the crab pretzels are damn good and they have a great beer selection. Most of the beers on tap were of the artisanal variety, high alcohol. Tasty, but watch yourself if you're driving - which most likely you will be. I had the Yeungling's which is local, of normal alcohol content and very fresh on tap. A tasty lager.

That's probably all you need to hear about for this installment. No doubt there's more to come another time.

Christmas 2012

I'm hoping we have a new Christmas tradition: Christmas Bocce. This was really fun. Pete, Marnee (Pete's mom) and I arrived first at the bocce court. Soon after Marc and their dad rode up on their bikes.

Here's where Marnee explained the rules to us:

Pete got those pants for Christmas. Sort of. Marc got them for Christmas, didn't like them and gave them to Pete.

Christmas Bocce!

Christmas Eve 2012

I'm at my in-laws' house in Vero Beach, FL, sitting in a rocking chair on their patio. My father-in-law has come out with his toy train track to see if he can figure out why the track is buckling. Pete is inside setting up his father's new fax machine. He keeps popping his head out of one door or another and saying "hi."

I'm not bored but I feel like I'm in a really boring play. Or maybe a very dull version of "The Nutcracker" with no music or dancing.

Drawing Party Plus Cake

I'm making an apple cake. Wanna see? It smells great.

I haven't tried this recipe before. It's from Smitten Kitchen. It makes a doughy batter into which you stir four eggs, one at a time until each is incorporated. Then the batter becomes pourable. I haven't made a cake with batter like that before either. Ah, yes, I should also mention that the large lumps you see are chopped apples. There are two layers of chopped apples macerated in cinnamon and sugar.

When I looked at the volume of all the ingredients separately I didn't believe they'd all fit in the pan. I wedged 'em in there. I hope it doesn't take two hours of oven time because of all the stuff in that pan.

It's for a party I'm going to on Saturday. I met the hosts once then got invited to this party. I'll only really know two people there but I'm going. This is how I'm branching out and expanding my life. I'm bribing strangers to deal with my social awkwardness with home made cake! Brainy!

So here are photos of some of the drawings I did at our drawing party in chronological order:

Warm up

I liked how the warm up went so I did this guy in a similar fashion

Then I thought I'd go more experimental and use a pen with a nib that you dip in ink. There were a couple of different nibs used here. I've never tried this before. I'll try it again soon though.

At this point one of us had been drawing pictures of our friends incorporating anagrams of the friends' names. He was using an anagram app on his phone but we found the anagram for our friend, Jeff, inadequate. I was trying to figure out a better one because I am WAY smarter than an app, particularly after two Guinnesses. Yeah. That was a big success. See how I tried to use some vowels twice with a crossword technique? That didn't help.

Then I drew this kind of terrifying thing. Creepy blonde lady offering you cookies or something. I'm suspicious.

The last drawing I started on at the party was the kind of thing I had intended to draw when I had the idea for the party in the first place. The original idea (if you don't feel like clicking that link) was to have a party loaded with friends and  some beers to entice me to do the kind of drawing I'm bad at. Looking back I think I did accomplish that goal. I did try to draw in ways with which I am unfamiliar and the results show a distinct willingness to fail.

The next day I did this self-portrait to see if I could still draw at least as well as I did in high school The answer is yes. Slightly better in fact. This drawing is pretty small, about 2"x3". A bit wooden and sad but the likeness isn't horrible. A fairly quick drawing. I think my drawing teachers from art school would be disappointed but they'd be nice about it.

When I'm serious about drawing I don't use a pencil or pen so all of these drawings are a break in tradition for me. When I'm serious I use compressed charcoal and really big paper and a chamois (the kind you get for washing cars), a large eraser and maybe some sandpaper. It makes a huge mess - big piles of black charcoal dust and erasing crumbs on the floor. I really get into it. It's pretty physical. I find sketchbooks limiting. Pencils are too small and fine for if I'm really going to DRAW.

However, if I thought about it and really tried I could probably figure out a way to make a pencil or a pen work. People who are not me manage to make true art with those implements. I could do better than I have done.

I think that we all had a good time at the party. I had such a good time that I was really sad when it was over. I stood on the street corner with Pete and I didn't know what to do. The light had gone out of my life. The party was over.

Fortunately it was just about dinner time and Pete suggested we stay out and get a bite. So we had a nice dinner at Central Kitchen. Thanks, Pete!

Wow, restaurant websites tend to really suck. Too much flash! Too many fancy doo-dahs! People do not want things flashing in their faces when they're trying to find a menu or hours of operation.

Back to the topic at hand. I'm going to make this drawing party a regular thing. I want to do it twice a month. I think it's a great idea for me to practice willing public failure. If you're an artist you should be incorporating failure into every day. I feel that I do that. But I do it in private. It's easy, in private, to fail or to shirk failing. I guess I'm saying that I feel I don't fail well enough. These drawing parties are, for me, a fun place to fail publicly. This is a great habit to develop.

If I do this twice a month I can practice failing and exercise my drawing muscles and socialize. Win, win, win.

I know that if people have an option to come twice a month they're less likely to come at all. They'll figure "oh, I can always go next time." I do stuff like that myself. But damn it, I'm going twice a month.  If too few people show up and I get demoralized and feel far too unpopular then I can always cut it back.

Now here's how the cake came out:

Shiny!

More Please

It may be that this year has given me a little taste for upheaval. It was a difficult year but I secretly found it exciting. I have learned SO MUCH this year and it has been fascinating.

I had things I love taken from me but I was also given amazing gifts which I could never have predicted.

I learned that when your heart is broken sometimes the only cure is more heartbreak.

I also learned that the saying "a broken heart lets more light in" is true. I was never more receptive to good things and gifts than when my heart was an oozing pile of crushed and broken flesh. In those times I was desperate for good things. I sought them everywhere and they were readily available to me.

Heartbreak itself has been a gift to me this year.

I might be waking up thanks to this year. I hope so.

I might find life more rewarding when it's unpredictable, when the unexpected happens. Earlier this year things I hadn't looked for happened to me. Now that's slowed and I could go back to the way I was before. I had been playing everything safe and comfortable, doing what others expected of me, letting what I wanted take the back seat. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY I WAS BEFORE!

Life is more fun when I actively engage it. When I take risks - or at least stop playing it safe.

I know it's crucial to make mistakes and you really do learn the most from screwing up. I don't know if something counts as a mistake if you know something's the wrong thing to do and you do it anyway. I guess the mistake there is choosing to do the wrong thing. But when you're not sure...

When I'm not sure I tend to play it safe. I don't want to play it safe anymore. Playing it safe leads to comfort and it cuts off opportunities. I learned this year that it's better to be uncomfortable. So now when I notice I'm not sure I'm going to choose risk.

I like mess. I like dealing with challenges. I like learning. I like feeling brave. That stuff doesn't happen as much when you play it safe.

I want to leave more room for uncertainty in my life. I want there to be holes to let the light and wind in. I want my papers to blow around.

I am asking for more chaos.

"Beauty"

I mentioned a "ridiculous mini craft experiment" back on December 3rd. The experiment? I made my own iridescent glitter nail polish top coat. I did this to prove to my friend, Jenn, that you really could see the rainbow effect. Behold, film of the proof:

Okay, it's not really film. Or footage. Bits? I'm not tech savvy enough to know (or care that much) what to call it. But if anyone reading this knows, please inform me in the comments if you don't mind (Because I do care a little bit) I could just call it a movie. It does move.

Now we can all make fun of my crappy housekeeping! 

Another thing I want to share: my new favorite lipstick.

I think it looks darker in real life but pictures never lie, right?

I have scanned the drawings I did the other day, plus one that I did yesterday. I still have to process them though - make them smaller for posting. Maybe later tonight if I get my act together.

For No Particular Reason

Here's me and my friend, Jamie, at the Weisstronauts' 14th Annual Holiday Jubilee:

Why? No reason. We took the photo because he thought our friend, Jill, who couldn't be there, would like my earrings. It was a fun night. Jamie travels a lot so I don't get to see him that often. It's always lovely when he appears though.

Tree 2012

I'm pleased with it.

I haven't attempted to use the scanner yet. However, I did fix the Christmas tree lights. 

I'm VERY proud of my extremely basic electrical skills, let me tell ya. They didn't have replacement bulbs at the hardware store so I had to buy a whole new string of lights. Boo! The new string came with replacement bulbs! Yay! The little plastic doohickey that holds the glass bulb in the new set was not compatible with the sockets on the old set. Boo! It was close enough to make a temporary circuit though. Yay! I figured out which bulb had burned out on the old string with a light from the new string. The glass bulbs are compatible, so I replaced the bulb in the old doohickey with a spare from the new set. Now I have TWO working sets of lights! Yay! Go me!

Now you can behold the beauty of my confectionary tree! I like it so much that I'd like to have some people over for a drink and to look at it. Not too many people - our place is puny (as it should be) Very unlikely to happen though, at least before New Years.

I miss having parties. The last party we had was this one, in 2008 (with the blow-by-blow here) We could maybe fit a total of eight people in here comfortably but only for cocktails. Two people would have to sit on the floor if we were going to feed them too.

I want to have a blow-out! We used to do that every few years. I want to have a blow-out because I want to go to a blow-out. I can't go to someone else's blow-out because I'm not really a party person and I get to feeling really awkward around a lot of people I don't know. I guess I could go but I wouldn't blow it out there. I'd probably do my best to schmooze then leave early. Defeats the purpose.

If I'm going to have a blow-out it'll have to be at someone else's house. My party, their house.

Well that's enough rambling for one night. NaBloPoMo can get a blogger into some really bad habits.