Today was the first warm day of the year, both in Boston and in Vermont (at least, the first warm day I've experienced up north this year)
I think that's why I was feeling doom-y all day. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I even had a nice day planned - lunch with my sister-in-law followed by a trip to Penzey's spice store. My kind of fun and yet I just felt this strong undercurrent of dread. I didn't sweat it too much since it's not entirely unfamiliar. I just went on with my day and we had a good time.
Throughout the day I actually got a lot of green lights. Literally. I made all kinds of traffic lights that are usually red when I get to them. Things went really smoothly today. Still I couldn't shake the unease.
On the drive up to Vermont I suddenly realized that I'm scared of summer. I wish I was joking but I'm not.
I have a friend who hates New Years. She says it's not about her getting older, it's about change and the passing of time, about good things going away. I wonder if my fear of summer is something like that? I mean there are plenty of practical reasons why summer is not a good season for me (sunburn, humidity, especially delicious blood...)but none that explain the dread.
No matter though. Tonight Pete and I sat out on our patio with a couple of beers and some wasabi cheetos. We listened to the first owls and spring peepers, saw the first bats circling overhead, watched the half moon disappear behind rain clouds rolling in and felt unexpected zephyrs waft by. I began to come to terms with the oncoming change of seasons. I still felt as though doom is coming my way but I kind of got fed up and yelled out loud, "well okay then, come and get me!" That made me feel better. That and the nature and remembering the things I like about summer.