Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Double-billed

You know what sucks? There's a cost to being sad. You end up paying twice. 

First you go through the pain of, say, losing something. You feel sad about it. Then I find I have to get over the expense of energy it cost me to mourn. Maybe that's just me. Maybe some people are just sad and then they get over it. I seem to need a double recovery. I feel like I used to just recover in one stage. Maybe I'm just paying more attention now.

It could also be that there's just been so much suffering and loss in our general area lately. You start to feel better then whammo - something else hard comes along. So many of life's largest truths have been rearing up over and over again in the last few years.

I'm so obtuse that I still don't know what the takeaway's supposed to be. Life is short - love and enjoy while you can? Go for the gusto? Carpe diem? Don't wait for the perfect conditions to be happy or to do what you want to do?

My head's still spinning. I have no idea exactly what in the day I'm supposed to seize. 

You could argue that life doesn't make sense and there is no takeaway. I don't have to learn anything from this random spate of losses. It's just bad timing or hard luck and that's the way it goes. 

I, for one, am not built to think that way. Something inside me will choose a lesson and retain it. I'd like to choose consciously and make sure the lesson that sticks is something that will be helpful later.

I think if I can be patient I'll figure something useful out. I hope.

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