Saturday, May 25, 2013


I am in a bad mood today. Quite annoyed with myself.

I'm tired of monitoring my behavior. I'm tired of having an opinion about things I've said or done. I do not want to analyze and grade myself, my thoughts, my actions all the time. Gah! Annoying.

Maybe I'm just doing it today. I'm giving myself low marks. Some days are like that. Those days that you only remember the stupid things you did. Those days that you just want to put yourself in storage in a closet somewhere for twenty years or so. Just turn yourself off and take a break for a while.

These are the days when the escape fantasies kick in. Here's what appeals today: I catch a bus to Tucson, change my name, magically become a twenty-eight-year-old brunette with long wavy hair, a hot bod and the ability to tan, get a job as a sassy waitress and smoke and cuss in the alley behind the restaurant on my break. I'll get big, elaborate tattoos on my right ankle and my left shoulder. No clue what they'd look like though. Incomplete fantasy. I'd drink a lot of tequila.

I think that fantasy appeals today because it's forty-something degrees and rainy here in Vermont today. That's getting old. At least I can do the tequila drinking part now if I want to.

So much for my new attitude.

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