It helps to have noticed how unrealistic my expectations of myself were. I don't feel like I've absolutely wasted the last ten years. I don't think I'm beating the crap out of myself about anything.
Still I want to move on and do things differently. I'm trying to become more comfortable with discomfort. I've begun to do things I usually hesitate to do for lame reasons. For example I'm going by myself to parties where I won't know many people or going out when it would be easier to stay in. I'm trying to do things that are hard for me.
It helps to have moved to another part of town. I probably wrote about this before three years ago when we moved from Brookline to Cambridge. Changing neighborhoods is like getting a whole new city. It's easy to avoid old habits. It's easy and fun to go to new neighborhoods and take different routes around town. Of course you can do those things even if you don't move to a different neighborhood - it just takes more effort.
Consciously doing things differently feels great. It's way more fun that staying in a rut. It's exciting to have new perspective and to try new things. One new, fun thing that Pete and I have been doing lately (thanks to our friend, Liz) is going for shabu shabu in Chinatown:
Shabu shabu is SO FUN! Also tasty. Chinatown is really easy to get to from Cambridge as well.
The other day I took a walk into Harvard Square. I've lived in the Boston area for twenty-four years and there was a stretch of Mass. Ave. in Harvard Square that I'd never set foot on. I've driven by it many times, I've even walked across the street from it. It blew my mind that someplace so accessible had never been trod on by me until that day. It was a small thing but I relished it.
Doing things differently makes me feel like I'm improving the odds that more interesting things and new people will come into my life. Life has been all about change lately and while many of the changes have been painful and profound, I'm liking the fresh winds that are blowing. Progress feels good even if it stings sometimes.