Testing A Theory

Yeah, I've been slacking on the posts. Sorry. Again. Things have been hectic and demoralizing. Either I haven't had time to tell you about what's going on, I haven't been at liberty to tell you or I don't even want to think about it myself much less spread it around. I've pretty much been holding my breath until August, the first month in a long time that I can consider "mine."

This month I am saying no to almost everybody and everything that isn't me or my work. I need to recover from all this crap that I can't tell you about!

I've been away from my studio for so long that wanted to start right in "being productive." Eat right, exercise early in the morning before it gets too hot, meditate every day, revise my novel, work in my studio etc. I gave myself a little time to lay about doing nothing too. A little time.

Well today I decided that that's not enough. I'm being too serious and too "good" and it's not working at all. So I decided to just do what I feel like doing.

I'm still getting up early and exercising (if I feel like it. I tried Gold's Gym Cardio Workout for Wii and it's really fun - the time flies by) and meditating and revising my novel and working in my studio, I'm just not stressing about it. I'm not guilting myself into anything. I'm only doing what's easy and fun. I'm not thinking stuff like "you need to figure out something good for this character to do," or "the next logical thing to work on in this piece is blah blah blah..."

As with a hot fudge sundae, I'm just taking a bite of what's both nearest to me and most appealing. When I want to stop and go do something else, that's what I do. None of this "just finish one more blah blah blah" crap. I figure, I did make some progress, I got something done and that's enough.

I mean, you just can't force good work. You do have to show up and try but you can start with the easy fun stuff and see where that takes you.

I'm also eating watermelon and ice cream for lunch.

The lighthearted, haphazard tack I've decided to take actually fits in perfectly with what my novel/comic book/art pieces are about. What I'm working on now is about inspiration and the artistic process. It's not methodical. It's important but it's not DEADLY SERIOUS. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be unconventional.

So I'm not going to be systematic. I'm going to make a mess. I think it's my job to make a mess. It's certainly my nature.

Besides, I want to have a good time after all of this loss and drama and grimness. I hope that loss and drama and grimness are just as sick of me as I am of them.