Today I made a good dinner (pasta with cannelini beans and arugula) and chai latte cupcakes that didn't fall (I'm too lazy to take a photo) and some kind of lunch, I forget what. I'm working on some sweater or other and yesterday I turned the heel on Pete's second sock.
I'm still making, I'm just not writing about it.
Blah.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
About Bad Moods
Here's what I think: there's nothing wrong with them.
Okay, they aren't exactly fun but most of us enjoy them from time to time to some extent. We drag them out, wallow, milk them for whatever they're worth. I've had a lot of useful artistic impulses come from just being really annoyed with something. Bad moods can be very helpful sometimes.
The problem is when a mood interferes with one's ability to get things done. But even then as long as you can get out of bed most of the time where's the harm? Well, and as long as you're not taking it out on anybody else or overindulging in counter-productive escapism.
I've learned a lot about good moods and bad moods in just the last seven months. As I said before, I just experienced a period of euphoria like nothing I've ever encountered in my life. It happened during an otherwise completely ordinary stretch of existence. Everything was absolutely normal - ups, downs, frustrations, fun things, boring things - normal. I got the feeling that feeling good or bad need not be connected in any way with what is occurring in life at the time.
That period is over and I'm back to what I consider my normal state of being: a little on the cranky side. It would be really tempting to try and get that euphoria back. Only I have no idea what brought it on. I rarely know what causes me to feel lousy either.
Mostly I just wait for a bad mood to go away and try to do as much of what needs to be done as I can. I think it works fine. Except those times when I think I ought to be more successful or have a massive circle of friends or be doing some other thing that I'm not.
Feeling crappy once in a while isn't the end of the world or even something to try to prevent. Well and you might as well try to stop the seasons from changing.
Okay, they aren't exactly fun but most of us enjoy them from time to time to some extent. We drag them out, wallow, milk them for whatever they're worth. I've had a lot of useful artistic impulses come from just being really annoyed with something. Bad moods can be very helpful sometimes.
The problem is when a mood interferes with one's ability to get things done. But even then as long as you can get out of bed most of the time where's the harm? Well, and as long as you're not taking it out on anybody else or overindulging in counter-productive escapism.
I've learned a lot about good moods and bad moods in just the last seven months. As I said before, I just experienced a period of euphoria like nothing I've ever encountered in my life. It happened during an otherwise completely ordinary stretch of existence. Everything was absolutely normal - ups, downs, frustrations, fun things, boring things - normal. I got the feeling that feeling good or bad need not be connected in any way with what is occurring in life at the time.
That period is over and I'm back to what I consider my normal state of being: a little on the cranky side. It would be really tempting to try and get that euphoria back. Only I have no idea what brought it on. I rarely know what causes me to feel lousy either.
Mostly I just wait for a bad mood to go away and try to do as much of what needs to be done as I can. I think it works fine. Except those times when I think I ought to be more successful or have a massive circle of friends or be doing some other thing that I'm not.
Feeling crappy once in a while isn't the end of the world or even something to try to prevent. Well and you might as well try to stop the seasons from changing.
Monday, May 26, 2008
I Don't Want To Be A Responsible Adult
I want to have four chocolate cupcakes for lunch and loaf around all summer at my parents' beach house!
Big baby.
Big baby.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
grrrr
Looking at my labels for posts I can see that I need more posts about flesh. I'll have more flesh in no time myself if I keep on baking the way I have been.
I accidentally baked two pumpkin pies today. Somehow I ended up with two pies worth of filling. Luckily I had plenty of frozen pie shells. FROZEN PIE SHELLS!!!!!!!! I DID NOT MAKE THEM MYSELF!!!!!! MMMMWWWWWAAAAAAAHAAAHAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!
So now I have two pumpin pies. Soon I will have whippy cream to go with them. Whippy cream with rum! Or Whiskey!
Wow, was I in a rotten mood today. I had a bunch of stuff to do today and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it all and I hate that! In my present crappy state of mind I hate myself for that and for countless other things that aren't my fault and that I can do nothing about. Well, and probably also a bunch of things that are my fault and I just don't know what to do about them.
Nuts! It will pass though. And nothing will have changed but my attitude.
The worst thing was that Fay's been feeling bad. The vet thinks it's the cytarabine kicking in and prescribed some antibiotics for her if she wasn't feeling better today. The cytarabine can cause a big drop in white blood cell count and major infections can set in. Woo-hoo!
Stupid life! Beats the alternative though.
I accidentally baked two pumpkin pies today. Somehow I ended up with two pies worth of filling. Luckily I had plenty of frozen pie shells. FROZEN PIE SHELLS!!!!!!!! I DID NOT MAKE THEM MYSELF!!!!!! MMMMWWWWWAAAAAAAHAAAHAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!
So now I have two pumpin pies. Soon I will have whippy cream to go with them. Whippy cream with rum! Or Whiskey!
Wow, was I in a rotten mood today. I had a bunch of stuff to do today and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it all and I hate that! In my present crappy state of mind I hate myself for that and for countless other things that aren't my fault and that I can do nothing about. Well, and probably also a bunch of things that are my fault and I just don't know what to do about them.
Nuts! It will pass though. And nothing will have changed but my attitude.
The worst thing was that Fay's been feeling bad. The vet thinks it's the cytarabine kicking in and prescribed some antibiotics for her if she wasn't feeling better today. The cytarabine can cause a big drop in white blood cell count and major infections can set in. Woo-hoo!
Stupid life! Beats the alternative though.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Crankfest Continues
Yes, I am cranky and annoyed with pretty much everything especially myself. Oh well. C'est la vie.
Do you see that Starboard Silent Side? I wrote French! Did I write it right?
Do you see that Starboard Silent Side? I wrote French! Did I write it right?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Pudgy Naked Cupid Statues Again
I don't have a Cupid statue but I do have a Bonny Boy Liquor Dispenser. He's a handsome fella, isn't he? A little alarming in certain areas but he takes care of business. If I had planned better I could have taken an action shot. It's likely that he'll be in other posts down the line though. There's time.
I was reviewing my old posts last night while polishing off that second cupcake and I came across the Pudgy Naked Cupid Statues post. These nearly obscene, pink, rose-flavored cupcakes are just the thing to accompany one's Cupid statue collection. Gotta start one of those.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
It's a Better Day To Be A Cupcake
At least at my house it is. Notice that these cupcakes have flat tops. Nice, huh? Also notice that their icing is buttercream. Could have hidden evils if any had occurred. These are the Pistachio Rosewater cupcakes, again from V.C.T.O.T.W. This recipe contains yogurt too (soy yogurt - and the buttercream is really margarine cream) but I've learned my lesson. This time I stirred the dry ingredients into the batter far less thoroughly and cooked the cakes about seven minutes longer. SPIKE!
The cupcake pictured is my second tonight. After I ate the first one, yeah, I wanted another. And if you're going to eat two cupcakes in a row and risk feeling really gross afterwards you should at least brag about it.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Less Disgruntled
I had a decent studio day today and the gears of the old brain are starting to turn in a more favorable manner. It's always just a matter of time. Keep going, plough through the blahs (and the AUUGHHH!s) make, think, make, it'll resolve. I'm not saying I'm there yet, I'm saying that this is what always happens.
I made some chai latte cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World and like the other cupcakes I've made from the book that contain yogurt, they fell. Unlike the other kind (I forget which they were) these have a sifted powdered sugar topping. I have no pouf of buttercream frosting to hide behind! Here they are in their fallen glory:
They are delicious though, also like the other cupcakes I've made from that book.
I thought I'd bring them over to the barn tonight where the band Starboard Silent Side is recording with Bruno Green, their producer. They've invited me to barbeque with them. I'm too shy to go empty handed by myself (Pete's in Boston till Sunday) so I'll bring my sunken cupcakes!
On the Fay front, it's five more days of double pred. Whee!!! Or do I mean wee? I mean wee.
I made some chai latte cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World and like the other cupcakes I've made from the book that contain yogurt, they fell. Unlike the other kind (I forget which they were) these have a sifted powdered sugar topping. I have no pouf of buttercream frosting to hide behind! Here they are in their fallen glory:
They are delicious though, also like the other cupcakes I've made from that book.
I thought I'd bring them over to the barn tonight where the band Starboard Silent Side is recording with Bruno Green, their producer. They've invited me to barbeque with them. I'm too shy to go empty handed by myself (Pete's in Boston till Sunday) so I'll bring my sunken cupcakes!
On the Fay front, it's five more days of double pred. Whee!!! Or do I mean wee? I mean wee.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I'm Disgruntled
I'm having some trouble getting back into the swing of things in my studio. I was gone a long time. That always worries me when I have to leave.
It probably doesn't help that I just finished up those plates. It was really unusual to have a project where I was pretty sure how to begin and end and I knew I could figure out the effects I wanted and how to get them. I could just put my head down and work and I'd end up with something I liked. I liked the concept, the process and the product. That hardly ever happens. I don't think I've been that satisfied with anything I've made since 1997.
The problem is what do I do now? Do I make more Mayhem Lust and Greed plates? I could. There are a lot of ways they could be done. Or do I move on to the afghan? Should I produce a whole range of artist/pirate lifestyle accessories? Maybe they'll all pile into a critical mass and become a performance piece? The process of making the plates produced a number of spinoff ideas that I could explore as well. I just don't feel all gung-ho about anything the way I did about the plates.
Probably if I just show up in the studio enough something will happen. I'm trying to get back into sewing (last garment completed 1982) The thing about making things is that you never know what will prove to be useful and how or when. I guess the best policy is to enjoy whatever you're doing. You'd think after all these years it would be easier to not second guess the worth of the way I'm spending my time. Maybe if I were wildly successful it would be easier? Maybe my job in life is to feel as though I'm wildly successful even when there's no evidence of it?
Fay's status is getting to me too. Her double prednisone dose has made her hungrier and thirstier as predicted. The thirsty part is the problem: she's become a little black, furry fountain of smelly wee. I'm hoping she doesn't have a urinary tract infection. She can't make it through the night dry so she's having to sleep downstairs. Tonight is the last night she gets a double dose of prednisone and I talk to the vet tomorrow. Fay is walking better and I even saw her use her left leg for something last night which she hasn't done in months. That's good.
The truth is, though, that whatever we do is prolonging the inevitable. There's no way this is going to get any easier. She's still happy and lively so I'll keep doing what needs to be done for as long as it works.
It probably doesn't help that I just finished up those plates. It was really unusual to have a project where I was pretty sure how to begin and end and I knew I could figure out the effects I wanted and how to get them. I could just put my head down and work and I'd end up with something I liked. I liked the concept, the process and the product. That hardly ever happens. I don't think I've been that satisfied with anything I've made since 1997.
The problem is what do I do now? Do I make more Mayhem Lust and Greed plates? I could. There are a lot of ways they could be done. Or do I move on to the afghan? Should I produce a whole range of artist/pirate lifestyle accessories? Maybe they'll all pile into a critical mass and become a performance piece? The process of making the plates produced a number of spinoff ideas that I could explore as well. I just don't feel all gung-ho about anything the way I did about the plates.
Probably if I just show up in the studio enough something will happen. I'm trying to get back into sewing (last garment completed 1982) The thing about making things is that you never know what will prove to be useful and how or when. I guess the best policy is to enjoy whatever you're doing. You'd think after all these years it would be easier to not second guess the worth of the way I'm spending my time. Maybe if I were wildly successful it would be easier? Maybe my job in life is to feel as though I'm wildly successful even when there's no evidence of it?
Fay's status is getting to me too. Her double prednisone dose has made her hungrier and thirstier as predicted. The thirsty part is the problem: she's become a little black, furry fountain of smelly wee. I'm hoping she doesn't have a urinary tract infection. She can't make it through the night dry so she's having to sleep downstairs. Tonight is the last night she gets a double dose of prednisone and I talk to the vet tomorrow. Fay is walking better and I even saw her use her left leg for something last night which she hasn't done in months. That's good.
The truth is, though, that whatever we do is prolonging the inevitable. There's no way this is going to get any easier. She's still happy and lively so I'll keep doing what needs to be done for as long as it works.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Some Shows
Pete and I went to see Crowded House last Thursday right off the plane from Ireland. I've been listening to them for about twenty years yet I'd never gone to see them before. Another example of how I've been letting life come to me instead of going out to meet it myself I guess.
Usually we go to local rock shows with no budget and no ticket required. It's fun to go to a larger event from time to time. This one wasn't that large though. It was at the Somerville Theatre which seats 900 people. It's a great place to see a movie or a band.
Sometimes when you go to a larger show the crowd is waiting for the hits, they talk through the stuff they're less familiar with and they don't want to hear anything they've never heard before. This was not one of those crowds. It was as if everyone knew and loved every song. The band played a few new songs that haven't come out on albums yet and people really loved those too. It was kind of like a really big sing around the campfire event. I'd say it left everyone feeling pretty good. Even Pete who isn't particularly a fan.
Usually we go to local rock shows with no budget and no ticket required. It's fun to go to a larger event from time to time. This one wasn't that large though. It was at the Somerville Theatre which seats 900 people. It's a great place to see a movie or a band.
Sometimes when you go to a larger show the crowd is waiting for the hits, they talk through the stuff they're less familiar with and they don't want to hear anything they've never heard before. This was not one of those crowds. It was as if everyone knew and loved every song. The band played a few new songs that haven't come out on albums yet and people really loved those too. It was kind of like a really big sing around the campfire event. I'd say it left everyone feeling pretty good. Even Pete who isn't particularly a fan.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Long Time No Post
Don't expect much. I'm breaking myself back in gently.
Pete and I were in Ireland for about a week.
Yes, that is Ireland and not Puerto Rico. It's a beach just outside of Ballyconneely. It was a great trip. We had such great weather that Pete got a tan. The people we met were fantastic, we learned some new driving skills and it was nice to go to a country where they don't hate you all that much for being American.
Fay was beautifully taken care of while we were gone (Thanks again Michaela K!) In spite of this her disease progressed so now I have to bump up her prednisone dosage again (boo!) and give her another round of cytarabine shots (boo!) Below is a photo of her medication schedule.
Yes, she gets medication SEVEN TIMES A DAY. Just for the next couple of days though. When the shots are done she goes back down to her usual five times a day.
More fascinating facts:
I'm WAY behind on my other-peoples'-blog reading.
Tomorrow evening I will be going with my friends, Lisa and Spencer, to see David Copperfield perform.
There was something else but I'm too tired to remember what it was.
Nighty night!
Pete and I were in Ireland for about a week.
Yes, that is Ireland and not Puerto Rico. It's a beach just outside of Ballyconneely. It was a great trip. We had such great weather that Pete got a tan. The people we met were fantastic, we learned some new driving skills and it was nice to go to a country where they don't hate you all that much for being American.
Fay was beautifully taken care of while we were gone (Thanks again Michaela K!) In spite of this her disease progressed so now I have to bump up her prednisone dosage again (boo!) and give her another round of cytarabine shots (boo!) Below is a photo of her medication schedule.
Yes, she gets medication SEVEN TIMES A DAY. Just for the next couple of days though. When the shots are done she goes back down to her usual five times a day.
More fascinating facts:
I'm WAY behind on my other-peoples'-blog reading.
Tomorrow evening I will be going with my friends, Lisa and Spencer, to see David Copperfield perform.
There was something else but I'm too tired to remember what it was.
Nighty night!
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