Bravery Log

This is my new Bravery Log. In the interest of expanding my life, making it richer and making me more happy and engaged, I'm on a quest to try new things. I'm trying to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I'm trying to be brave.

It's been going pretty well. I've met a number of new people, I'm having more fun and I feel like I have more internal resources. Sometimes, though, I need a little nudge to continue to be brave. That's where the Bravery Log comes in. Each time I do something that's hard for me (like R.S.V.P. "yes" to a party where I won't know many people or sign up for a class at an aerial gym - yes, I did) I write in the date and the brave thing I did.

Now each day I wonder, "will I have an opportunity to be brave today?" It makes me look for an opportunity. It's good incentive. I'm more likely to follow through on an idea if I can write down that I did it in the log.

Bravery is subjective though. Some days I'm more chicken than others. Some days just looking for more information on the web counts as bravery. Just looking can lead to e-mailing which can lead to signing up which will lead to showing up. Every step in the sequence counts. I'm being generous with myself. Baby steps.

So far everything I've taken a risk and tried has payed off nicely. I must remember that it won't always be that way. I'll likely be shut down or embarrassed some time. When that happens I'll just have to congratulate myself for having tried. Right?

Working The Nose

You can learn a lot of useful things in art school if you pay attention. You can learn the same things elsewhere but I learned them in art school.

One thing you learn if you take painting is that it's generally best to work the whole surface of the painting at once rather than concentrate on one area then move to another area.

You're painting a portrait and you really like the model's nose. You want to get that nose just right. DON'T START WITH THE NOSE. If you start with the nose you won't leave room for the chin or the top of the head or something. You're supposed to sketch in the whole composition first so you know from the beginning that everything you want to include will fit in the picture.

Then you put in the large areas of color, work with the large masses of the form. Don't forget the background - that counts too. Now you can work on the nose. BUT DON'T JUST WORK ON THE NOSE. Because while you're working on the nose it will become disconnected from the cheeks and the chin will float off to Hawaii. What are those two small blobs up there? Those are supposed to be eyes? Nuh-uh.

But the nose is really good. But I'm out of nose color so I have to mix more for the forehead. Wait, that color isn't working at all. And I just noticed that the eyes are in slightly the wrong place and I should move them both over a little to the left and shift the angle of their axis a little down. But then the nose will be where the lips are supposed to go! Maybe if I can use the nose as a pivot point I can move the chin a tiny bit over here... But now the temples are all messed up. Fuck! Now what do I do? I'll have to start over!

Yes, you'll have to start over. And that, my friend, is painting.

But the nose was perfect! Are you painting a nose or a face? Do you want a painting of a beautiful nose floating in a sea of mushy chaos? Because if you want that that's fine.

In the olden days popular painters had ateliers full of apprentices who specialized in noses or lace or backgrounds or helmets or whatever. They probably got some kind of room and board for their labors. Maybe. Those days are over. Being the finest painter of noses in the world is a wonderful personal accomplishment but you probably won't be able to eat because of it.

If you want to paint a portrait that looks like a whole human head (or dog head or fish head or whatever your subject is) you're more likely to be successful if you do a dab on the nose, then the cheekbones, then the forehead, then the hair, then the chin, then maybe back to the cheeks for a stroke or two then the light in the background then the chin again... See what I mean? Bring the whole thing along little by little so you know where everything is and they're all developing in relation to each other and you don't get lost.

You're still going to have to start all over again a few times because that's just how it goes. Something will inevitably stand out and look great but it will be too soon so you'll have to get rid of it. If you find an area you want to preserve that's a danger zone. Mess it up - unless you're almost done and the other areas are almost there too.

Paintings go through a lot of stages before they're finished. You don't just start with nothing and then it gets better and better. Sometimes you start and it looks very promising. Then you realize it's not going to get where you need it to go that way and you have to mess it up to make it better. It looks great then it looks like unsalvageable crap then it looks kinda better then it looks pathetic then you figure out what it needs and it's done. Except for that one little part over there...

Screw that part. It's done. If you work on it any more you'll be working on it forever and you'll never finish it. Sometimes you just have to call it done. Let it go. That's a very freeing feeling.

Of course when someone says "you're supposed to..." that means that someone else's opinion of what you're doing matters. The truth is you can do whatever you want. Particularly in art. If you get the result you wanted then you went about it the right way. The ends justify the means in art as long as you're happy.

You don't really have to sketch out the whole composition in the beginning if you don't want to. Messed-up, out of whack portraits can be kind of cool. Sounds like a profitable exhibition if you ask me. Messed-up is very popular in the art world these days. It "reflects the chaotic nature of the times and the artist's disassociation from society" or some shit or other. If you can explain it to somebody you can make it work.

I suppose knowing how to do it "right" is a tool to have in your kit to be used if you need it. You never have to use your tools if you don't want to.

I'm calling this done. Later!

In The Meantime

The real news is that I just got back from the amazing and inspiring Eyeo Festival. You wouldn't believe the things I saw/heard/learned unless you were there yourself. I'll try to post links to the most extraordinary stuff if I can find it.

If you hit the link above and do a little reading the festival may seem to be a bit code/data heavy for an analog gal like me. There was, in fact, a great deal of overlap with many of the things I think about. Now I just need to chew on all of this and figure out what it means to what I do.

In the meantime, of course, shoes:

Irregular Choice does it again.

Not Bad

Despite a not very promising beginning (nightmares all night, then feeling as though I'd been hit by a truck when the morning came) today has gone pretty well.

Some of my fears about the onset of spring involve the overwhelming tasks that need to be tackled in my garden. SO MANY WEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH - SO MUCH MULCHING TO DO!!!! Evil grass to be eradicated, problems to solve, LIVES AT STAKE!!!! Plant lives, and those count to me.

Today I was able to walk around the garden and make a huge, multi-page list of all the things I could see that needed to be done. I know I missed some and that even more tasks will become apparent as time goes on but I just wrote down everything I could see today.  Then I broke the list down into three sections based on importance, urgency and logistics (i.e.: pull weeds then mulch) Finally I listed every task in the order in which they should be done.

Some tasks clearly require more energy than others (like assassinating all the brambles versus moving a vine support) so in the interest of getting everything done I should do one difficult/urgent thing in a day then some less taxing/important things.  I think I'll get to the end of the list more quickly that way without killing myself.

I feel much better now that I have a sensible plan. Now I just need the weather to cooperate. I know that I'm very unlikely to accomplish every task to my satisfaction but that's just part of gardening. Hell - it's part of doing anything. Some things you just have to let go.

Another thing I did today was try out my cupcake maker. I bought it last summer from Think Geek (who doesn't sell them anymore but they do have this really cool customizable pocket knife)  because it was cheap ($20) and I wanted cupcakes but since it was summer and really hot, I didn't want to turn on my oven. Since last summer bit so hard I never had the time to try out the machine. Today was finally the day.

There it is, baking away. You can also see my nifty, beloved new silicone-tipped cooking chopsticks (from jbox.com - or jlist if you're feeling porny) which were excellent for getting the cupcakes out of the machine.  The machine is basically a waffle iron with divots instead of a waffle grid. Fill the divots with batter, close the lid and in eight minutes you have seven mini-cupcakes. 

The cupcake maker is not a time saver. You can cook something like two-dozen mini cupcakes at a time if you use a real oven and a mini cupcake pan. (I could go look at my pan and count exactly how many you can make but then I'd have to get up) Making only seven at a time makes the baking process more like making cookies - you have to do batches. But, as I said before, the cupcake machine doesn't heat up your house. Also, Fay has no interest in attacking counter-top appliances. The same cannot be said for the oven. I got to make these cupcakes in peace and she didn't have to go to jail. The machine works well. The cupcakes didn't stick at all and they're delicious, home made cupcakes. 100% win.

Naturally not all of the cupcakes made it into this photo.  Pete and I had to do a little sampling first. Then I ate all five of the frosted ones you see here. I had to. Well, okay, maybe I didn't have to. 

Wherein I Become A Shill

I knew 120 million people were not waking up every morning and making dashi fresh with kombu and fish flakes.  It's not like it's super hard to make - though it is hard to make well.  Even so, I knew there had to be an instant powder that comes in a jar somewhere.

Enter Amazon.com.

This "Amazon Associates" thing I'm doing now has definitely increased traffic to their site.  I'm going there daily now.

If you've been reading this blog for a while you will know I'm interested in Japanese cooking.  All of the cookbooks I have contain a recipe for tamago, the Japanese rolled omelette often sliced and made into sushi.  While I enjoy eating tamago it's the skill I'm after - I want to learn how to make it well!  So I searched Amazon (because you can find anything on Amazon and read the reviews before you buy) and I bought this pan:



I haven't used it yet but it's very well made and has a non-stick coating.  It's also tiny and cute as hell.  Kawaii!!!  A recipe for tamago came with it in the box.  The number two ingredient was "Hondashi (Japanese instant soup base)"!

There it was!  I knew it!  Instant dashi!  Thank you again, Amazon!  Well, thank you, House of Rice who included the recipe with the pan.  But I wouldn't have known about The House of Rice without Amazon.

So back to Amazon I went and ordered some:


I think this discovery will open up a whole, new world of Japanese culinary success for me.

The Joy Of Food-ish Substances

It has come out on Facebook that I make marshmallows.

I've been making them for years because I found a recipe for them in Martha Stewart's Christmas: Entertaining Decorating and Giving,
a book I bought a million years ago when it was new.  I probably bought it because of the marshmallow recipe (who ever heard of making them yourself?  They're not food.  It's amazing they're edible at all and not just playthings) but the book also contains an AMAZING recipe for egg nog.  Serve that egg nog once and people will beg you to make it at every other occasion.  They'll invite you over just so you'll bring the egg nog. As I recall there's an error in the marshmallow recipe (something like it doesn't say when to add the vanilla) but you can fake it.

These days I've been using recipes from this book:
Marshmallows: Homemade Gourmet Treats.  This book is a comprehensive marshmallow manual.  It has recipes for dozens of flavors, different marshmallow consistencies and - best of all - none of the recipes call for corn syrup.

You need a strong stand mixer if you're going to make 'shmallers (as I like to call them - obviously)  You're not going to be able to whip up the searing-hot sugar batter with your hand-held.  Other than that they are no harder to make than cake.

Then you can have yourself a good time decorating them as you wish:

Or you can spread the batter in a pan to cure then cut out shapes with a cookie cutter or knife.  I wanted to play with a pastry bag.

Then you can foist them on unsuspecting visitors and their gluten-sensitive children.  Or just whip them at people.  Marshmallows make such a wonderful, soft smacking sound when they come in sharp contact with human skin.

Oh yes, and since you made them yourself and they couldn't be fresher they also taste really good.

Inanimate Objects

Last night at around eleven o'clock Marc and I went out to shovel the driveway. Sorry neighbors!

Why eleven? Because it took me that long to talk myself into doing it. I am a very self-indulgent person with somewhat poor impulse control. I'm trying to fight it but I don't know how well I'm doing. I do get the things done that I need to do but not until after I've watched too much C.S.I. or read the Manga that I wasn't supposed to buy myself or bribed myself to get out of bed with a piece of peppermint bark. This is part of the reason that I never go to bed on time.

Anyhoo, shoveling last night reminded me of some other tools that I LOVE: my rain coat and my good winter boots. Those items aren't clothing, they're shelter. I have a pair of Sorel boots up in Vermont. They are little houses for your feet. When you're wearing them you can walk on/in just about anything without a care and your feet will be WARM. I have city Sorels here in Brookline. They have silly faux fur on the outside that would get dirty and gross in Vermont. They have excellent city condition traction and also keep the old dogs WARM. I'd rather wear the Vermont ones to a bonfire though.

I invested in my first good raincoat back in the early days of Fay. I got a bright orange Patagonia. If you can stand to pay Patagonia prices their gear is the best. They really pay attention to the details so you get the best protection from the elements with the least visibility/mobility interference. The raincoat I have now is not a Patagonia. I got a deal on it. I'm still grateful for it but it's a little skimpy in places.

Gratitude is the key for me and tools. When I find a tool I really love I am grateful to it and respectful of it. You might think that's a funny way to treat an inanimate object. The thing is, here's another thing about me: I think everything is alive.

Two Good Things

Eggplant Dengaku style! I made it for dinner last night. It's flanked by four onigiri. I'm looking forward to having some of those on my drive back to Boston today.

And the coolest spiral notebook I've ever seen:


It's pretty, it's got a nifty zipper pocket in the back:


It's got five sections separated by paper pocket dividers and clear plastic pockets of various capacities: business card, postcard and full page sized.


There's lined paper, unlined paper and the piece de resistance - graph paper:


Will I use it all? Probably not but it's so pretty. I got it at Borders but I can't tell what company made it. Sorry about the cruddy photos.

The Red Knife

I LOVE a great tool.

Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm a maker. Tools are my best friends.

I was just re-reading my post from last night. I didn't get far before I noticed the red paring knife in the first photo and I started thinking about knives. I love that knife. I got mine on sale from Williams Sonoma. I saw the exact same knives (they come in green and yellow too) at TJMaxx a couple of weeks ago. Go out right now and get some! If you need a good paring knife. I'm not advocating going out and buying willy-nilly. Although I do it myself all the time. And come to think of it, the economy could use a little action. Okay, I advocate buying willy-nilly! I'm a wasteful capitalist sheep!

Blah blah blah... Where was I? Oh yeah, tools!

I LOVE a good knife. They really make cooking a pleasure. I love knives so much that I want to give them to people as gifts. People who don't enjoy cooking or think they don't cook very often tend to skimp on their knives. If they only had a good knife then cooking wouldn't be the pain in the butt that it seems to be to them. Chopping and slicing would be easier, go more quickly, feel more pleasant. Your food's not flopping all over the place under a bendy, dull knife blade. No wonder they think cooking is aggravating! It's very rewarding to use a good tool: it's a nice feeling.

I'm not superstitious but a lot of people are. Some people think that if you give them a knife it means you don't like them. Some people believe that if someone gives you a knife you have to give them something back, like a penny, so that the knife is "paid for" and therefore not a gift. I found that out back when Pete and I were engaged and I'd registered for knives. You never know who is going to believe something like that. That means that if I give a knife to the wrong person it puts a burden on them to find a coin to give me at the last minute. It also makes me feel weird that my gift made them uncomfortable when all I want is for them to enjoy their cooking experience. So I don't give knives, I just recommend them.

I've had several favorite tools over the years and I'm noticing they tend to be made of metal. There's my beloved steel half-round jeweler's file, my stainless steel etching tool/burnisher, my Addi Turbo circular knitting needles that I use for everything I knit (nickel-plated brass) my garden fork and a fine steel modeling tool that has a tiny ball at one end and a slim triangular scraper/stabber blade a the other. Then there's my Cutter Bee scissors. They have small very sharp and very pointy blades. Fantastic for precision scissor cuts. I'm not sure why but I'm not as in love with my X-Acto knife (check out the alarming sounds their web page makes as it loads!) Probably because I don't trust my ability to use it properly. I'm always making mistakes and cutting into things I didn't want to with that one. However it is THE precision cutting blade: nothing else can compare with it's sharpness and accuracy (as long as the person using it is accurate!) I've tried other brands and you might as well just throw your money away. In fact they're disastrous because they just rip whatever you're trying to cut so carefully. That's much worse than accidentally slicing into an edge of something.

Most people (including me) don't consider metal a "friendly" material but when I think about my favorite tools I really do love them. Even my nail scissors which my grandmother gave me when I was probably ten years old. Funny to think that pointy metal objects give me that warm , fuzzy feeling. Clearly I need a new blog label: tools.