Results of a Sort

Fay's test results came back and everything looks normal. Her organs are normal sized and they didn't see anything that didn't belong in there. So I guess that's good news. I suppose if there's bad news it's that she may need other tests. There was some mention of taking a kidney biopsy. I hope it doesn't come to that - it sounds hurty (also expensive)

We do know for sure there's a kidney problem. We also know for sure that some of the medication she's on to treat it makes her feel sick because she doesn't want to eat her food even though I loaded it with tuna. Crap. Poor her. I hope there are other options.

I met another new role model. There was a little old lady scooting around Davis Square in a wheelchair yesterday. She wasn't using it as a wheelchair exactly. She was sitting in it and using her feet (like Fred Flintstone) to move the chair. On my way back home from an errand I saw her struggling to get in to the post office so I stopped to give her a hand. She turned out to be a real wise-cracker. She was hilarious. Hilarious and resourceful. My new role model. A lot like Fay too.

Herself

Fay is at the vet. I had to leave her there today so she could get chest x-rays and an ultrasound. We know for sure that she has kidney inflammation. They're testing her today to find out why. Whatever it is it's not going to be good.

You can't tell anything's bothering her from her attitude. She's the same spazzy, bossy, demanding, hilarious, hungry, cute wad she's always been. She's my role model. When things start crapping out on me I'm going to try to take a page from her manual. Then I'll try to mooch treats off the person nearest to me.

Ugh - I Can't See

The left lens in my glasses sucks. I'm not sure that sentence makes sense grammatically.

What I mean is that the coating they put on the lenses to prevent glare has disintegrated (only on the left lens) so it looks to my left eye as if there's dust or grease or something all over the lens. This has been going on for months but it happened kind of gradually so I was mostly used to it.

I'm in the process of getting my lenses replaced. I left my glasses off at the optometrist on Friday so they could put in the new lenses. Meanwhile I wore some sample contact lenses. It was so great to be able to see clearly for a change. I couldn't wait to get my glasses with new lenses back.

When I went to pick up my glasses yesterday it turned out that the lab had sent my new lenses in the wrong prescription. Now I'm back to my old, crappy lenses while I wait for a new batch of lenses to arrive. It should take about a week.

Of course after wearing those contacts all day yesterday I had grown accustomed to being able to see. Now I'm all discombobulated because all I see is a smear in my left eye. Nuisance! I keep blinking because I think my eye has gunk in it.

That said, the eyes are only on the outside of the body, the surface. The blindness that's bothering me the most right now is inside my head. I have brain blindness. This could also be called "issues."

I'm so confused right now. There have been so many changes in my life and in my perceptions of life in the last year or so. The future is looking pretty unusual too. Everything is topsy turvy inside. I can't tell if I'm seeing things for what they are or if what I see is overly colored by my emotions. In other words, do I feel uncomfortable because the situations in my life are challenging or are the situations in my life challenging because I feel uncomfortable about them? In either case is there something I could be doing to improve things?

I feel like I'm living submerged in a giant pot of beef stew. The broth is so thick that I can't see if what just hit me in the face is a pea or a piece of meat. Or perhaps I'm walking around with a sack over my head, bumping into or being pelted with things? I don't know and I don't know how to find out.

For now I'm just going to wait until something makes sense. I hope that will be soon but this being life, who can say?